I now know that when I was two years old I encountered an emissary of that horrible being many call the Adversary. Events occurred that were to my infant mind so horrifying that they were mentally suppressed for forty years. They were highly significant events that produced a little boy who had nightmares for many years, who developed a severe speech impediment, who developed a deep underlying dislike for females and who, paradoxically, was a rather shy "mother's boy." I was a frail yet beautiful blond-haired little boy who was a completely antisocial loner. I had no friends with possibly one exception. Other children could not tolerate my "very strange" behavior and they spent much of their time trying to avoid me. As I grew older and physically much larger, I became the bully of my elementary school and, except for certain periods of great tranquility, I terrorized as many individuals as possible, including my teachers.
What possible events could produce such a child? Remember, I was born during the great American depression. It was a very difficult time for many families. Prior to my second birthday, three attempts were made to end my life. Later, I was informed, over and over again, that I was an unwanted child. In many ways, I was "ostracized" by my family. Today, one would obviously categorize this as child abuse. My behavior was a direct reaction to the abuse I suffered. This is absolutely all that I will publicly relate on this aspect of my early life.
From birth until 1949, I was associated with a type of "Christian" occultism. Indeed, in 1946, when I was 12 years old, I suddenly became extremely interested in my mother's occult practices and manifestations. Simultaneously with this interest, I became, what is sometimes called, a "mental giant" - indeed, a child scientist. I delved into any aspect of the occult that had any meaning for a child of my age. For two or three months, I was a superior telepathist. I once telepathically identified more than forty cards out of fifty-two cards from an ordinary deck of playing cards. However, suddenly I lost this particular telepathic ability, I lost the "key" so to speak. Obviously, I was brokenhearted over this state of affairs and began a long search for the lost mechanisms so as to renew this telepathic ability. Moreover, I investigated other occult manifestations.
My mother was Dutch and she had been trained in the "arts" of fortune telling and palmistry. At that time in human history, as it is today, occult practices were considered "interesting" parlor games and weren't assumed to be harmful. My mother worked with a standard deck of playing cards and, of course, she never received monetary rewards for these activities but practiced them "just for the fun of it." Her predictions about my future activities were almost always correct and this reinforced my belief in these occult practices. It was assumed that such practices did not contradict Christian doctrine, and, in certain ways, was directly associated with such doctrine.
Relative to science, I began at 12 years of age to work at the old Maryland Academy of Sciences in various capacities, from leading tours, to instructing in astronomy and working in the observatory; but, I was a very troubled little boy with great personality problems and often highly erratic behavior. I don't believe I displayed my erratic nature while working for the Academy of Sciences, but I certainly made up for this "lack" outside of the scientific environment. Due to my childhood experiences, I wasn't just frightened by the opposite sex, but I was terrified by them. Consequently, I attempted to destroy females emotionally by choosing the most heinous and vile language by which to express myself. I especially like to do this to my mother. Much of this behavior continued until I was fifteen years old when circumstances forced me to conceal these obvious idiosyncrasies.
In 1948 at Roland Park Junior High School in Baltimore, things got so bad that the school authorities were considering removing me from that school and sending me to some sort of correctional institution for disturbed children. This was due to my actions towards my female classmates and my teachers. However, the school administration noticed my apparent talent and knowledge in science and mathematics and they began their efforts to place me into a special school for "gifted" scientific intellectuals. This occurred and I was placed in the Accelerated Course of Baltimore Polytechnic Institute. At that time, "Poly" was one of the oldest and best known schools that had such a course for gifted children.
Since I had failed one year in elementary school, due to reading and speech difficulties, I entered Poly at fifteen years of age and suddenly everything in my life began to change. I discovered that I enjoyed mental challenges, I "loved" to study long hours and learn, and the fact that Poly was at that time an all male school eliminated one of my deep, and unknown, social curses. My intellectual ability literally skyrocketed. I received every scholastic award given at Poly; I was the president of the Science Club for three of my four years there, a member of the National Honor Society and much more. In 1953, I graduated tied academically for first place in my class with a four year average that translates into an A.
Prior to "Poly," from the age of 12 until I was 15 or so, I stayed with what I thought was the "scientific" occult and practiced many of its activities; always searching additional occult manifestations. Indeed, I found the lost telepathic key as well as keys to many other "remarkable" telepathic experiences.
I will always remember how my mother would invite neighbors over to see me in one of my, shall we say, "trances." She would point out how my eyes seemed to glow green. This was a particularly startling effect when one considers that my eye color is gray. However, I followed the Dr. Rhine school of thought and his "scientific" parapsychology concepts. Thus, what I was doing, I thought, was "completely scientific" in character. I was learning how to control a special aspect of the human being, not anything related to the so-called "evil" or "good" aspect of God's incorporeal world, but rather a "higher nature" that even includes a form of after-life on a "higher plane." At least that's what I thought. I practiced pre-dream mental telepathy (a special process known only to a special few, I was told), Ouija board methods, fortune telling, was proficient at remote viewing and hypnotized people.
One afternoon, my mother took me to meet Mrs. Olga Worrall at her Baltimore home, a home that included an astronomical observatory. My mother claimed that Mrs. Worrall was once an assistant of some sort to Eileen Garrett. I doubt this, but she probably had contact with Garrett or been associated with her in some way. The name Garrett was mentioned by Mrs. Worrall. Now Eileen Garrett was the foremost mental medium of her time and the founder of the Parapsychology Foundation of New York. Mrs. Worrall was a rather famous "faith healer." [Such "healing" is one of the most significant aspects of Alice Bailey occultism.]
I had many talks with Mrs. Worrall about many of her "supernatural" concepts until one afternoon when an extraordinary event occurred. That afternoon, I met Mrs. Worrall at her "church" in Baltimore. She was, as usual, dressed in a long gown with various ornaments. [I mention that the ornaments she wore at her home during our first meetings were amulets and many were "astrology" symbols.]
As perceived by me, but not by others, the church appeared as if it was part of a horror movie. I saw it as surrounded by a grave yard, filled with broken and ivy covered tombstones. There were dense patches of trees and bushes and portions of the church building itself were hidden from view by the ivy and undergrowth. It was in this foreboding atmosphere that Mrs. Worrall said to me "You're the most spiritually sensitive individual I've every met." She followed this observation by inviting me to join her "church" and to work with her.
My immediate reaction, although not appreciated by my mother, was to strongly decline Mrs. Worrall's invitation for I recognized this as the "other" and, as I believed, "unscientific" supernatural - the Adversary verses God form. I heard a voice scream in my mind, "NO, don't do it. These people are crazy. There is no such thing as this type of supernatural. All these extra-sensory things that you have done and been exposed to have a 'scientific basis' and each human being can develop these abilities." With this voice still ringing in my head, I literally ran from that place vowing never to return. I now know from my present perspective that it was at that very moment that the Adversary really took control of my mental faculties. As I'll explain, he thought that he had won another human being and had placed him on the pathway to damnation.
(Many years later I drove by the Mount Washington Methodist Church and it did not appear this way. Indeed, it was just the opposite of what I perceived. Moreover, I now know absolutely that those that participated with Mrs. Worrall in her activities formed a modern type of (Alice Bailey) coven and, even today, practice one of the worst forms of occultism - the attempt to link occult practices with the Spirit of God. The "healing" method Worrall used is described by Bailey who noted that it is an important method that should yield many converts to her "Masters" controlled occult society. Alice Bailey was the founder of the "New Age Movement.")
In general, it's the overt - the open - occult groups that are, especially with respect to individuals such as myself, but a tactical diversion, a smoke screen, a cover for the Adversary's real work. It's his covert - his hidden - indwelling of individuals, such as myself, that produces many of the real false prophets; the real demonically controlled minds. I know from my experiences that the Adversary is the beguiler that produces various atheists and "Aristotle prime mover" type theists, the "wind up the universe and let it go" god, a god who has no further interest in a universe's development. The Adversary easily controls the mind that does not believe that it can be so controlled.
You see, I had learned nothing about the real incorporeal supernatural world as a child - thanks to Dr. Rhine and also the so-called "Christian" church I attended. As a child, I was forced to attended this church, now and then, and even took a children's summer Bible study. However, I was only taught a very weak ethical Christianity and the term "supernatural" was never mentioned during my religious(?) training. To me the Adversary was not a real spirit being that influences or even controls one's mind. To me this was but a name associated with certain forms of non-Christian behavior.
From the age of fifteen until I was twenty-one, I attended a second after-hours school - The Children's Educational and Experimental Theatre - in Baltimore. For six years, I was taught methods in creative dramatics. This training taught me how to control completely my speech difficulties. Indeed, unknown to this school, I was being taught how to use my voice, my emotions and my intelligence to control groups of individuals - to control situations and lead people down various paths that I and my controlling influence had previously chosen. I became a superior "street-actor." Now street-actors are people that can act in a continually creative manner in the real world, not just on the stage, but in real and not make-believe situations. I learned how to use my entire being to do the Adversary's work. Indeed, the only individuals that might ever see through my deceit would be highly and truly Spirit filled Christians who could discern spirits and, of course, I didn't meet many. In my ignorance, I didn't know that I was speaking the Adversaries words. But I should have known, it was my responsibility, and, thus, I'm totally to blame for the suffering I produced.
One might say that I professed a belief in "God." It was, the mentioned, "wind up the universe and let it go" type god. This is also the god of certain "Christian" groups that don't believe in the type of god that is active within the universe TODAY, the "higher nature god," the atheists' god (when they don't wish to admit to atheism). I also personally took complete credit for all of my many awards and I continued to hear and follow that sweet Satanic voice that was leading me into yet greater evil.
Let me "jump over" many remarkable years of covert training and the equally remarkable path down which I walked - a path that was at times very unusual and, I often thought, highly "miraculous." It's interesting that my mind was so clouded that I couldn't associate this form of the "miraculous" with the Adversary's incorporeal influences. This path even supplied me with three years of experience in electronics communication - both radio and TV. You see, I was learning how to use one of the most destructive weapons in the human arsenal - the human voice and the spoken word.
After some years of effort, I became a well-known research scientist and educator who had been purposefully placed into situations where I could influence and corrupt the minds of the young. I was a fire-breathing hater of the concept of an active supernatural God and attempted to destroy, and even physically harm, certain individuals who claimed to have a "personal relationship" with such an "absurdity," as I termed it.
When I wasn't pursuing my scientific endeavors, I would amuse myself by creating what I thought were new theories about the so-called "deity" of the man historically called Jesus of Nazareth. From a young high school student and for twenty-seven years thereafter, I used various intellectual and insidious devices for this purpose. Often I would cunningly contrive my logical arguments so as not to alienate those who were willing to listen to me. For example, one argument I presented in my attempt to remove deity from Jesus' character is specifically devised for a liberal Christian. I'd state, "Isn't it more miraculous that an ordinary man such as Jesus could have such God-given mental ability that his simple remarks would develop into the magnificent ethical system we term Christianity?"
An activity such as arguing logically against the active supernatural or against associating deity with the name Jesus may seem to some Christian's to be somewhat insignificant. However, my anti-Christ activities were not confined to intellectual endeavors. It seems that I used numerous overt and covert methods for my heinous work. And, I took great pride in and obtained considerable enjoyment from my attempts to destroy individuals - literally. I slowly became an extremely vile and dangerous individual; while being totally unconcerned as to the welfare of my family. I am told that my character evolved so as to include, what can only be termed as, depravity. With one exception, I can't remember these particular activities and I have not been informed as to what they were. I must have had a Jekyll and Hyde personality. Yes, God had given me some remarkable talents; yet, I was becoming consumed with Evil and was relinquishing my will to it.
Among those individuals that I'd first need to completely destroy is my wife. If the Adversary couldn't destroy her and my children through my direct efforts, how could I continue to destroy others? I apparently used diverse means in my attempt to corrupt and destroy her mental well-being. The Adversary so distorted my mind that I wasn't even slightly aware of my wife's condition. My wife explained, after the veil was lifted, that by March 1977 medical examination had revealed that if things continued in the same manner, then she only had a short time to live. Moreover, it's feared that I'd do the same to two of my daughters after doing other unspeakable things to them.
In 1977, my wife brought my budding anti-Christ activities to an end. Without my having any knowledge of her pending actions, during the morning hours of 6 April 1977, my wife correctly removed herself and our children from my immediate influence. At noon, I went to my car in the parking lot of the U. S. Naval Academy and found a short cryptic note on the front seat. It said that in order to protect herself and our children from my depraved behavior, she had moved out of the house and taken the children out of my grasp. I had no idea what this message meant until I reached my house for Evil so clouds your mind that the obvious is often not perceived. Upon entering, I experienced personally one consequence of these vile actions for I found my wife, my children and all of their belongings gone. Then suddenly Evil completely engulfed my being until the afternoon hours of April 7.
I recall finding myself sitting in a rocking chair staring blankly out of the front windows of my nearly empty home. I suddenly felt so completely alone, so lost. I had been correctly forced into a corner with but two possible choices. One was complete debasement, death and everlasting damnation. The second choice presented itself in the following manner. As I sat there, I turned about and discovered that exactly one book had been left behind in the living room area. A book that had been purposely left on the only remaining table in the hopes that I might begin to read it - seriously. It seems that I had destroyed every piece of Scripture that had come into my hands, with but one forgotten exception - a free copy of the Bible sent to me by the American Bible Society. When I picked up this singular volume, it fell open to Matthew 5. While slowly reading the entire chapters 5, 6, 7, it occurred to me that if I had only but attempted to follow the principles outlined by Jesus, then this terrible personal tragedy could not have occurred.
Immediately following this "revelation" something unexpected happened. In a fraction of a second, twenty-five years of the deepest intellectual reflection and personal deception evaporated. All of my scientific knowledge and experience in such areas as logic, word-forms, mathematical modeling and the like, led me instantly to one irrefutable conclusion. No ordinary human being could describe these new concepts as Jesus did. The descriptions must have come from God.
I said out loud, "Jesus, I believe!! I believe that you are my God, my Lord and Saviour. Oh!, take me and do whatever you want with me." Then as I cried and cried the atmosphere about me became heavy, yet tranquil. I felt "something" pressing in upon me externally, as well as another but different sensation within my lonely spirit - a sensation I had never experienced before. I was being wrapped up - literally - by an indescribable "love" that signified that I was not alone and that Jesus was near at hand.
From April 7, 1977 through August 1978, my exposure to active Christianity was very superficial. I wasn't a student of the Scriptures but followed the general pronouncements of the electronic-church. Indeed, I didn't recognize at that time that, during this period, there was a remarkable amount of spiritual warfare taking place. The Adversary was about to loose one of his well trained "anti-Christs." There were three events that reveal this. I won't in this brief testimony detail the events although they might make for an interesting horror movie. I simply mention that I went through a brief period of "hysterical blindness" and had two suicide attempts miraculously thwarted.
In the fall of 1978, various members of the Mathematics Department at the United States Naval Academy invited me to join a noontime Bible study. They were about to embark upon an in-depth study of C. S. Lewis' ``Mere Christianity" and ``Miracles." Simultaneously, I was studying a Russian paper in mathematical logic and, one sunny September Saturday, God directly implanted a remarkable idea. It might be possible to couple a notion from this Russian paper and my expertise in the new mathematical area of Nonstandard Analysis in order to obtain a non-numerical mathematical model for various aspects of the logic, word-forms and descriptions for certain psychological phenomena. A few days later, another idea miraculously occurred to me. Some basic descriptions used by C. S. Lewis could also be mathematically modeled by this same process. God's grace allowed me to work diligently upon this new project, to study and personally investigate the applicable descriptive content of the Scriptures. Jesus started to use my knowledge, my experiences, my training and abilities for His purposes.
God forced his ideas into my mind. He was literally changing my mental patterns and His supernatural power led me to new knowledge and its wise application. During this period many of the most important mathematical processes, at that time called "Mathematical Philosophy," came into being. In particular, the now termed General Intelligent Design (GID) Model. And today, I continue to apply these new mathematical processes to many distinct secular and theological subjects, as well as, continuing to study the most ancient extant copies of the Scriptures. My walk with God and my increase in God's wisdom has further progressed beyond anything anticipated. He has allowed me deep understanding of many of His concepts and supernatural processes. Indeed, these analytical methods are what led me to discover, independent from any other source, and to verify the rationality of significant Christian concepts. So, what does all of this truly illustrate? I am a living example of the ultimate grace of God. Of how He can take the most depraved, evil and hate filled 42 year old intellectual, and miraculously produce a remarkable and everlasting change throughout his entire physical, mental and spiritual being. I continue to mature and more and more apply the wisdom God is according me. Reflecting upon the experiences that have occurred to me since I literally gave myself to our Lord, I am confident that what you have just read is ample evidence of the amazing, amazing grace of Jesus, our Lord and Saviour.